


Always

by imaginentertain



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Discussions of Self Harm, M/M, discussions of dementia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 21:28:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8940022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imaginentertain/pseuds/imaginentertain
Summary: Chas had been vague, only telling Robert that he needed to be with Aaron, that it had been a rough day.  Once Chas had said that it was nothing to do with the bank or the Mill or money, but that Robert needed to go – now – that was all Robert had needed to drop the bags of last-minute presents and open their bedroom door in a mixture of fear and nerves.In which Robert talks to Aaron about his experiences with Ashley.  Episode coda to 20/12/2016.





	

Robert took the stairs, two at a time, nervous about what he was going to find. Chas had been vague, only telling Robert that he needed to be with Aaron, that it had been a rough day. Liv's mind had immediately gone to the bank meeting and the Mill and she'd started to panic that something had gone wrong and they wouldn't be able to buy their home. Once Chas had said that it was nothing to do with the bank or the Mill or money, but that Robert needed to go – now – that was all Robert had needed to drop the bags of last-minute presents and open their bedroom door in a mixture of fear and nerves.

Aaron was sitting on the edge of the bed, jacket removed and shirt sleeves rolled up. Instinctively Robert glanced at them, looking for any new marks or cuts or lines, and when he found none he was finally able to breathe out.

"I haven't," Aaron said dully, as if he knew what Robert's first fear was. "I'm not..."

"OK," Robert said quietly. He shut the door behind him and went to kneel in front of Aaron. He put his hands over Aaron's arms and just held him. "Were you... tempted?"

"No," Aaron admits and he smiles as he sees Robert relax a little. "I was just thinking that a few months ago I might have, but not now."

"OK."

"Did Mum tell you what happened?" When Robert shook his head Aaron started to talk. He talked about seeing Ashley, the church, the drive home. Everything that happened downstairs, right up to that moment when it felt like everything was going to be OK. Until it wasn't. "You should have seen her face," Aaron finished, "it was like her whole world just ended."

"I can imagine," Robert said, his thumb moving gently over the exposed skin of Aaron's forearm.

"No, we can't. Not really. She's losing him but he's still here. He looked at her like she's nothing to him, not his wife, not the mother of his kids... How do you deal with something like that?"

"You just do," Robert said. "It's what you do when you love someone."

"I stood there, watching him getting more and more scared, and watching Laurel break down, and all I could think of was you."

"Me?"

"What I'd do if it were you, if that were us."

"Let me guess. You'd drop me off at the nearest home and—"

"I'd never let you out of my sight," Aaron cut across.

"No, I was joking, I—"

"I know," Aaron smiled, looking down at where Robert's hands were now holding him a little tighter. "And I know that's what should probably happen. I bet there are some great places out there, places that are perfect for someone... like Ashley. But I get why she hasn't because I don't think I could."

"Even after...?" Robert tailed off, leaving the name unspoken because he knew talking about Jackson wasn't Aaron's favourite thing.

"Maybe because of it? I don't know. But I couldn't let you go, no matter what."

Robert said nothing, just knelt there with Aaron's forearms in his hands. He felt the rough edges of Aaron's fingertips brushing against the fabric of his jacket and so he moved, sliding his palms down until they were over Aaron's.

"For better or worse, right?" Robert said eventually.

"Sickness and health."

"I'd stay with you. If it were the other way 'round."

"I know," Aaron whispered.

"Must have been hard. Today. For you."

"I'm not the one dealing with it—"

"No, you're just the one sitting in our room with the lights off, worrying your mum and me to the point where I half expected to find you'd... You're dealing with it, Aaron."

"He had no idea who I was, Rob. He looked at me as if I was someone else, not someone he's known for... I have no idea how long. And if that freaks _me_ out, god knows how Laurel must feel. And the kids?"

"It's awful, no one is denying that."

"It is, it's their lives," Aaron said, pulling a hand free and gesturing over in the direction of Mulberry Cottage, "and while they're dealing with that you and I are buying a house and gloating over a stupid pub quiz and getting married and—"

"And life goes on, Aaron. You know that better than most people," Robert said, his hands moving to Aaron's waist. "You think Laurel wants everything to just stop because of her? You think Ashley would want that?"

"I felt so helpless," Aaron whispered.

"You weren't. You helped him, you were kind to him. He trusted you because he got into your car."

"The music helped."

"Now do you see the point of Bluetooth speakers?" Robert quipped, an obvious attempt at lightening the mood. It failed, but they said nothing. "You did everything right, everything you could do."

"I know," Aaron admitted, "and it wasn't enough."

"Sometimes it won't be."

"What you did? For me, this year? It was enough, Rob. It was more than enough."

The change of topic threw Robert for a second, and when he realised what Aaron meant he looked down. "I didn't do anything—"

"Yes, you did. It meant everything."

"Then you did something today, and it'll mean everything to Laurel. You brought her husband home to her."

"Did I?" Aaron asked. "I see it when you look at me," he continued, putting a hand on Robert's cheek, "and the thought that one day you might not look at me like that? Might not know who I am, what we are?"

"I know," Robert whispered. "Doesn't that mean we should make the most of now? Who knows what will happen tomorrow?"

"If you're about to make another pitch for eloping—"

"You don't want a fuss being made!" Robert laughed as he shuffled forward, pushing between Aaron's legs.

"I also don't want to be murdered at the reception drinks because half the Dingle clan were left out."

"Vic and Adam had the right idea."

"Yeah, and Moira was furious when she turned up." Robert faltered and Aaron cursed himself. "Sorry. Not the best day for you."

"Missing my sister's wedding because your uncle had me tied up in the boot of his car? No, not really."

"Sorry."

"Wasn't your fault."

"Still."

They fell into a comfortable silence for a moment, Robert's hands firm and gentle on Aaron's waist. Aaron's gaze moved from the window to his lap, to his clenched hands in his lap, to the finger which moved to trace the scar on his arm.

"A small wedding, with only the people who need to be there, as soon as possible," Robert said. "Deal?"

"Deal."

"And I promise I will stay with you, no matter what."

" Better or worse, sickness and health."

"I love you," Robert said, leaning forward for a kiss. Aaron gave a soft laugh as he closed the gap between them, pressing his lips to Robert's. "And I'm proud of you."

"Why?"

"Because what you did today? It was kind and generous and it's part of why I love you so much."

"It was nothing."

"It was everything. I'm sure Laurel would say so too." Robert shifted his weight a little and groaned.

"You OK there, old man?" Aaron laughed. "Come on," he said, shuffling back on the bed so that Robert could climb up next to him, climb over him, and pin him to the bed. "Hi," he whispered.

"Hi," Robert whispered. "You know, your mum really worried me when we got back."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. Liv was panicking about the house, so nice to know where her priorities lie!"

"That went well, pretty much got things sorted."

"She'll be glad to hear it."

"I should go talk to her," Aaron said.

"She'll be fine. Left her with the bags so no doubt she's trying to figure out what we've got her."

Aaron scoffed, turning it into a laugh. "I bought her a house. Good luck with your present, mate."

"You bought it with _her_ money," Robert pointed out.

"Shut up," Aaron laughed, pulling him down for a kiss.

It didn't develop into anything, and before long they were settled on the bed together. Aaron's head rested on Robert's chest, his hand splayed across Robert's stomach. They talked about their wedding then lapsed into silence, Ashley then back to silence, Liv then silence, the Mill then silence. The night passed by and eventually they undressed and curled up again under the covers. Without being asked Robert wrapped his arms around Aaron, spooning around him and keeping him close.

"Stay with me," Aaron asked, the meanings heavy.

"Always," Robert whispered against the back of his neck.


End file.
